We're not deadbeats!
by Tyrant Jedi
Summary: Itachi and Kisame have violated one of Akatsuki's core laws while on vacation in Kirigakure and have been punished accordingly by Pain, now they must find something that will get them back in Pain's favor and avoid becoming deadbeat losers. My first fic, tell me what you think.


Pain sat inside his office patiently awaiting the arrival of Kisame and Itachi who were supposed to meet him for disciplinary purposes, both had violated one of Akatsuki's core laws and needed to be punished appropriately. He idly tapped a pencil on the desk as he now started getting annoyed by the long wait; he checked his watch and got angrier since both of them were now late for the meeting. Five minutes later he got up and walked to the door to figure out where the two were; he opened the door and to his shock and ire found both of them waiting in the lobby outside his office reading magazines.

"Why are you both sitting out here!" he yelled out which made them calmly put their magazines down and stand up to greet him

"Because sir, the sign on your door says to not be disturbed so we were waiting here until you were done with whatever you were doing" Itachi answered calmly, Pain turned around and sure enough there was a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door

"Yeah I was a bit confused too since you're big on punctuality and all, but hey what do I know right?" Kisame said casually

"I didn't put the sign on my door" Pain grumbled as he ripped the "Do Not Disturb" sign that was poorly written on the piece of paper "And besides this isn't even my handwriting!"

"Yeah we noticed how neat it was looking but we figured you must have taken some lessons on improving your handwriting" Itachi said

"Deidara!" Pain yelled out angrily having realized who had written the note

"That would explain why he ran out giggling before we walked in" Kisame noted to Itachi

"I was wondering why he was doing that" Itachi said in agreement

"I'll talk to him later, you two in now!" Pain exclaimed pointing out the door

Itachi and Kisame walked in and each took a seat in front of Pain's desk, Pain walked in after them and closed the door before sitting down behind his desk. For a few seconds he just looked into their eyes, Kisame and Itachi both had a blank expression on their face and their eyes betrayed nothing. Pain sighed before standing up to look outside; he hated having to yell at his subordinates because he felt it always hurt their relationship but running the organization came first so he knew what he needed to do.

"You both know why I called you here right?" Pain asked, he turned around to see that both were looking elsewhere taking great efforts to not look at their leader. "You have violated one of Akatsuki's sacred laws, what were you thinking?" he asked

"Things just happened, and we kind of got dragged in" Kisame said barely containing the urge to scream and run from the office

"Is that so?" Pain asked

"Yep, nothing we could do about it" Itachi said trying to stay calm while holding on to his left hand which was shaking uncontrollably in fright

"So you guys couldn't have just walked away?" Pain asked although this time he didn't get a response from either of them "Vacation time is for relaxing: visiting your family, going to a spa, maybe meeting a cute girl and having your first summer romance. It's not for getting into drunken fistfights with the Mizukage!" Pain yelled out

"We're sorry!" Itachi and Kisame exclaimed bowing their heads

"You know that Yagura is on our side right? So why in the world would you challenge him to a fight Kisame?" Pain asked

"We got drunk and he said that I looked like a weird shark and it hurt my feelings…" Kisame started

"So you sucker punched him in the face and then kicked him in the balls?" Pain asked

"Well it seemed like the appropriate response at the time" Kisame muttered

"And you, you're supposed to be making sure things like this don't happen!" Pain exclaimed turning towards Itachi

"Me?" Itachi asked pointing at himself in shock

"You're the mature one; you're supposed to be preventing him from doing something stupid. There's a reason I put you guys together even if your personalities in no way match each other." Pain explained

"We're sorry!" they both said loudly bowing their heads agains

"Itachi, Kisame, for violating Akatsuki's sacred law of not enjoying your vacation time wisely… I hereby suspend each of you indefinitely until further notice" Pain said ominously "With pay of course"

"Okay" they sighed

"You're free to go" Pain said

They both got up wordlessly and walked out of the door; Kisame shut the door and took a deep breath before turning to talk to Itachi. He noticed that Itachi was shaking and when Kisame got closer he could hear sniffling coming from his partner.

"Itachi?" Kisame asked

"It's not fair!" Itachi exclaimed turning around with tears running down his face "Suspended with pay? Does he think we're deadbeats or something, I do not take advantage of the system so I can do nothing and still get paid, I'm better than that!" Itachi exclaimed

"Exactly!" Kisame said loudly in agreement with tears in his eyes "I joined this organization to change the world, not so I can get paid to do nothing! Who does he think we were, Deidara?"

"Would you two shut up and go cry somewhere else?" Pain called out from his office

"Let's go Kisame!" Itachi said in a huff

"Yeah this man clearly doesn't care for our feelings" Kisame muttered as they both left the lobby

They would spend the rest of the afternoon sulking in their rooms after they had managed to stop crying over their new deadbeat status. They came out of their rooms when it was dinner time and sat silently at a table, however they were soon joined by Deidara and Sasori as both had heard about the pair's suspensions.

"Word travels quick huh?" Itachi asked

"Well that, and our Leader plastered it all over the place" Deidara answered showing them the notice

"So how long is the suspension?" Sasori asked

"Indefinitely" Kisame sighed

"Uh-oh" Sasori and Deidara said together

"With pay too" Itachi added

"How is that a bad thing?" Deidara asked

"Not everyone is a deadbeat like you" Sasori said

"I resent that!" Deidara said haughtily

"No you don't, you secretly like being suspended which is why Pain just gives you more work every time you mess up now" Sasori replied with a deadpan expression

"Sasori you've been suspended indefinitely before right, how long until Pain reinstated you?" Itachi asked

"A week" Sasori said

"A week!" Kisame and Itachi exclaimed in horror

"Yeah it was awful, I just sat here bored out of my mind with nothing to do but play with puppets and that only entertains you for an hour before you get bored again" Sasori said with the same deadpan expression

"I can't survive a week of doing nothing!" Kisame exclaimed

"Neither can I, we need to find a way to get reinstated quickly" Itachi said

"Well you could always try bribing Pain" Deidara offered

"What would we bribe him with though?" Kisame asked

"Well as someone who has spied on him many times before there is one surefire thing that will get him to forgive whatever you did, even if you did end up kicking the Mizukage in the balls for example" Deidara started

"Just tell us what it is" Itachi said

"A dog" Deidara said

"A dog?" Kisame asked

"Despite our leader's appearance he's a sucker for an adorable dog and if you get him one I guarantee you that he will forgive you" Deidara explained

"Why doesn't he just get one on his own?" Sasori asked

"…have you looked at him? No matter how much genjutsu he tries someone always finds him and he has to run away" Deidara explained

"When would he ever run away from anyone?" Itachi asked in disbelief

"Sure he could kill everyone around him and just take a dog, but that would most likely terrify the dog and it'd probably run away from him first chance he got. No pun intended but Pain just couldn't handle the pain that would cause him" Deidara explained

"As long as you guys can sneak out without him noticing then you're good to go" Sasori added

"Shall we?" Kisame asked Itachi

"Way ahead of you" Itachi called back already having gone to the hallway to lookout for Pain and he was soon joined by Kisame who waved at Sasori and Deidara before they took off.

"Wait weren't you only suspended for two days?" Deidara asked

"…oh yeah" Sasori said with a deadpan voice

"Why did you say it was a week then?" Deidara asked

"It sure felt like a week" Sasori replied

"Oh and Deidara?" Kisame said coming back in

"What?" Deidara asked

"Pain knows you're the one who put that sign on your door and he said he was going to 'talk' to you later!" Kisame said which caused Deidara's face to grow pale with terror "Just letting you know" Kisame continued before running off

"Don't go! I don't want to get assigned more work!" Deidara exclaimed running after them


End file.
